You know the characters I am talking about. Almost every RPG has them; they whine, they talk overly loud, they are completely irrelevant to the story, and, in the worst cases, they actually take you out of the story. Yep, unfortunately, with our love of RPGs also comes some of the most teeth grindingly annoying characters that I have ever seen. So what did I decide to do? Make a list of em in order from least annoying to most annoying! Sounds neat huh? Enjoy.

Number 10: Cait Sith; Final Fantasy VII

Aw Cait Sith, you were my least liked Final Fantasy VII character. How many times have I played that game wondering why exactly the developers chose to have Reeve Tuesti use that as his puppet machine? Cait Sith, himself, wasn’t overly annoying. Sure, he had a mega-phone and to be perfectly honest he wasn’t that great of a character, but those can often be ignored (especially since there was no voice talking in the game). What really put him on this list was his appearance. Final Fantasy VII produced some of the best looking, most awesome character creations I have ever seen in a video game and then there is Cait Sith. While very unique looking, I can’t help but feel a bit slighted at the sight of him. For this reason alone, Cait Sith ranks number ten on our list.

Number 9: Adelbert Steiner: Final Fantasy IX

Captain of the Knights of Pluto, always wearing a full suit of armor, protector of the princess and STILL his character is very annoying. Throughout the beginning of the game Steiner will be constantly knocking your character and his habits. Even during downtime he will remain grouchy and stubborn til the end. I understand the need for a character like this, especially in a story as complex at FFIXs, but that doesn’t make him any less annoying. Steiner will be in your group from nearly the beginning of the game all the way until the end so it’s best to find a way to deal with his character flaws quickly or else you may not be able to finish Final Fantasy IX. The only recourse in his character is that you often get to see him make an ass out himself through these same annoying habits. Sweet, sweet justice.

Number 8: Mallow; Super Mario RPG

Mallow is one of the most unique characters I can imagine, and of course he comes from one of the most unique RPGs ever as well. Unfortunately, he can also be quite annoying throughout the game. You originally come across Mallow as he is crying. Apparently some creature named Croco stole something from him. This doesn’t seem all that bad, but his character largely falls into the same category that a child would in that he whines a lot. While he eventually does grow into a fairly decent character, certain dialog and story arcs firmly plant him in our number eight spot.

Number 7: Genis Sage; Tales of Symphonia

I’ll never truly understand the need to add young children as playable characters in RPGs. I just don’t get it, they are always annoying and Genis is no exception. Of course, Genis has no real annoying habits as a character. Sure small kids can be a bit much at times, but he actually wasn’t too bad. Aside from being a bit of a coward at times, Genis’ annoying habits come out of the actual story. As a half-elf, later in the game he’ll start to show intolerance for humans. It’s almost unbearable, as he nearly forgets that all of his friends are actually human. For this reason Genis makes our number seven spot.

Number 6: Cooke/Mack; Lost Odyssey

Again, whats with the children? For starters, Cooke and Mack aren’t the most annoying kids in an RPG but they definitely got on my nerves at certain times in the game. These two children just can’t seem to get over the death of their mother, Lirum and it’s an almost constant story arc that continues through much of the story. Of course, that aside they both have fairly annoying voice acting, especially Cooke. Don’t ask me why, but apparently the developers decided it would be a good idea to have the same person who did one of the Rugrat’s voices also do Cooke’s. Now, everytime I hear her talk I cringe. This was well more than enough for these two characters to make number six.

Number 5: Ayla; Chrono Trigger

Whoa there! Don’t crucify me yet! I know Chrono Trigger is largely regarded as the best RPG of all time, hell, I’d almost agree with you. Unfortunately, there is one part in the game that I just hate everytime I replay it: the prehistoric time. The entire game hits its lull at that moment and Ayla didn’t help at all. Call me prejudice against cavemen and women but I just don’t like reading their dialog. Too many grunts and “ughs!” for me. It eventually got to the point where I just skipped over all of her dialog as quick as possible. Ayla made our number five spot not only for her annoying dialog and character, but also because she successfully brought down a game that would have otherwise been perfect.

Number 4: Bow; Breath of Fire II

Half dog, half man, 100% annoying. When you start the game you meet Bow as a thieving wanna-be orphan. Of course, that’s not too bad and actually it’s kind of cool to see a JRPG from the mid 90’s have such a rebellious nature. Unfortunately, what is annoying is his character’s undying nature to try and impress any girl he comes across. You’ll be playing no more than 20 minutes before he has you off on a quest to find some girl’s pig. This eventually leads to a huge mess where you have to bail him out. It’s annoying, and so is he. Also, whats with him being a half-dog? Perhaps I just simply can’t remember from the game but I honestly don’t know why the developers decided to add him to the game like that. It’s just wierd…

Number 3: Marumaro; Blue Dragon

You remember my distaste for characters who are children right? Well take a moment to imagine a child character who also feels the need to shout, constantly. Marumaro is such a character. Born of the Devee tribe, you come across Marumaro a couple hours into the game and, unfortunately, you never lose him either. He brings almost nothing to the story except for an near-creepy attraction to one of your female characters. On top of that, he also happens to be one of the worst dancers I have ever seen, there I said it. Seriously, Marumaro was one of the low points in Blue Dragon and I have never recommended the game to anybody because of him. So sad, because the story actually isn’t half-bad.

Number 2: Makoto; Enchanted Arms

Enchanted Arms is probably one of the worst RPGs I have ever played. A poor combat system, and lackluster storyline do nothing for the game. Unfortunately, it also happens to boast one of the worst characters I have ever, and I mean EVER, come across: Makoto. Now, before I start getting called a homophobe allow me to assure you I absolutely do not dislike the character because of his sexual preference. I have more than a few gay friends, and even they did not like him. For whatever reason, the developers decided to make Makoto one of the most flamboyantly annoying characters ever. He whines, he complains, and he absolutely hates the main character while he bends over backwards for the main characters best friend. It’s enough to make you cringe at the very sight of him. It’s actually a bit insulting that his character even existed as he plays into such a huge stereotype that even I am offended. Seriously Ubi, either go back to Grandia or stop making RPGs.

Number 1: Donald Duck/Goofy; Kingdom Hearts

Kingdom Hearts was a very unique game. Never, in all my years of playing RPGs would I have imagined that Square and Disney would team up to create an RPG. But they did and, unfortunately, they decided to put two of Disney’s most annoying characters in main character roles, something that I absolutely could not get over. Flame me all you want, but every time there was a serious moment in the game I would hear Donald or Goofy speak and be completely taken out of the story. It was enough to make me avoid the second game altogether. I’ll admit, I was never a huge Disney fan, but still, of all the characters to choose from they probably picked the worst ones. Such a shame as the story was actually quite enthralling. Donald Duck and Goofy made my top spot not only because they had the uncanny ability to ruin nearly every scene that they spoke in, but also because they are tired and worn out characters from almost a century ago. They were made for kids, not adults and, as such, they never really belonged in a game that was targeting the teen-adult segment.

Thanks for reading our list. These are, of course, all in the opinion of those at the RPGhead.com. Is there anybody I left out? Did you think I put somebody on here that didn’t belong? Well let us know! Leave any comments, and flames below.

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